This morning
we will explore Cultivating Gratitude. Webster’s
Dictionary defines gratitude as “a
feeling of appreciation or thanks.”
As we explore a few ways we can cultivate gratitude today, we will also
learn about what gratitude means from a Buddhist perspective.
Silently
think of three things you are grateful for. It was easy to think of three
things for some of you. For others, perhaps you struggled to think of something.
Have you ever noticed that some of the things you are most grateful for can be
the most bothersome at times? Being grateful is not always easy for various
reasons.
For an untrained mind, gratitude does not always come naturally. It’s as
if our brains get stuck in the negative thought patterns.
Cultivating
gratitude makes me think of the story of Pollyanna written by Eleanor H. Porter.
Pollyanna is a little orphan girl goes to live with her bitter aunt who owns and
controls an entire town. Pollyanna teaches an entire town to be grateful by
playing “The Glad Game.” Have you ever been in a situation where a person or
group of people seemed like they were feasting on negative talk? It is easy to fall into a habit of talking
negative about things and even about ourselves, but we can stop this negativity
by focusing on the positives and playing the glad game. With practice, the
positive talk can become a habit we gravitate towards. Pollyanna lived by the
philosophy that if you looked for the bad in mankind, you would find the
bad. Look for the good, and you will
find the good. Psychology Today says “studies
show that gratitude not only can be deliberately cultivated but can increase
levels of well-being and happiness among those that cultivate it.”
Now let’s
talk about those times in our lives when looking back we are grateful. Jack Kornfield quoted his Thai meditation
teacher Ajahn Chah as saying to him, "Which has had more value in your life,
where have you grown more and learned more, where have you become more wise,
where have you learned patience, understanding, equanimity, and forgiveness –
in your hard times, or the good ones?"
There is an executive at a local company who has a wonderful positive
attitude about all experiences and she encourages this positive attitude in her
entire staff. In her department, she never accepted problems or issues during
tough times. They are always referred to as challenges and opportunities. She is
able to put a positive spin on any tough situation by focusing on solutions and
looking upon things as an opportunity to change and grow. What if we could learn
to be grateful for all experiences in this way--the challenges and
opportunities in the present moment? A Bodhisattva approaches everything, all
beings and all experiences, even the dukkah (suffering), with equanimity and
without judgment in the present moment.
Pema Chodron
addresses how to do this in her book Start Where You Are when she discusses
the pithy slogan in the Lojong teachings “Be Grateful to Everyone.” What it means to be grateful to everyone is to
learn how to deal with all types of situations and people that are difficult or
bothersome. Pema Chodron said “If we
learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can
be our teacher.” Being grateful to everyone means being aware of your habitual
response when difficult situations arise. Pema Chodron talks about leaning
into these situations and putting a gap before responding to them in our
habitual ways.
I love my dogs, but when I meditate at home they can be
bothersome. One stares me down and growls and the other smacks her mouth. I
used to interrupt my meditation and yell at them to stop, but this would leave
me feeling guilty and like I failed when I sat back down to resume my
meditation. It occurred to me one day that I could use my dogs as my teacher so
I started an experiment of leaning into my feelings of irritation and disgust. Not
ignoring, but recognizing the physical restlessness and stirring of irritation
that arises and not reacting. Simply sitting in awareness with the feelings and
holding compassion in my heart for my feelings arising and for my dogs. At first it was difficult not to respond. I
sat and sometimes twitched listening to the smacking and growling, wanting with
every cell of my being to yell out at the dogs for being noisy--it was painful as
Pema Chodron describes as itch I wanted to scratch. The most remarkable thing
is happening, things are getting better. There is still the smacking and growling
going on, but I have changed my response to the situation. I have found myself
starting to smile in my heart when I start to hear them. I have released my
attachment to the idea of having a perfectly quiet meditation space. The noise
is simply part of my meditation. I am feeling more patience, peacefulness, freedom
and even gratitude because I let this go and changed my behavior.
I have news
for everyone here today; we are all annoying, obnoxious, and difficult to
someone at sometime. Often times, the things that bother us in others are the very
qualities we see in ourselves that are bothersome. The good news, we can work
to change our responses when things situations arise by leaning in. By changing our
response and behavior, we can change the world around us.
There are
other ways to cultivate gratitude by shifting our awareness on the positive
aspects of our lives. I attended a retreat recently and the
final puja (chant) right before bed each night was intended to remove evil
spirits. It involved a symbolic three sided Tibetan dagger called a Phurba—each side of the dagger
represents one of the 3 poisons (ignorance, greed/envy and anger) or evil
spirits that can afflict us. While chanting, they hold the dagger and visualize
(and I stress the visualization part) removing or exorcising the evil spirits,
the 3 poisons, which hold us back from enlightenment. Those negative things
which hold us back from living with a grateful and open heart. If this practice
does not seem right for you, perhaps you can cultivate gratitude through the
practice of keeping a gratitude journal. Every night before going to bed write
down what you are grateful for. It is the
regular practice of shifting awareness towards the positive aspects of our
lives, over and over again, which neutralizes the negative thoughts and creates
a positive mind.
In Tibetan Buddhism, simply to be born
human and to be alive is something we should be deeply grateful. According to the Tibetan tradition we
are fortunate to be born and to have inner wisdom to experience the dharma. The Dalai Lama said “Everyday, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I
have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all
my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve
enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts
towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am
going to benefit others as much as I can."
Through
cultivating gratitude, we can realize the joy, suffering,
and everything in between are all part of our unique journey called life. If we
have tunnel vision, and look too closely at our problems, we will overlook the
bigger picture and what we have to be thankful for. If we broaden our view, we
will see the dukkah, problems and issues along our path are opportunities to
help us evolve, change and grow. We can open our hearts and learn to embrace
all experiences with gratitude with just a few minutes each day spent on
shifting our perspective. With gratitude and open hearts, we can change our
world in a positive way.
